Sigh, time for bras again

I have been really lazy since I started working from home in September. The three days a week I am home I pull my hair into a pony tail, brush my teeth and settle in on the couch with a blanket and the laptop. Around 8:40 I realize Caden has to go to school and I am still in jammies. So, I change out of jammy pants, into jeans, throw on a jacket and head out the door.

Of course, as all you parents out there know, I also have to beg and plead with Caden to stay on task and GET YOUR SHOES ON! WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SOCKS ON! PLEASE PUT YOUR COAT ON! OH MY GOD WE ARE LATE! WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!! We always manage to make it to school just as the teachers are calling the kids into the classroom.

But, alas, spring is here. It is getting warmer and I don't need to put a coat on anymore. While many of you may think this is a wonderful thing I find it throws a knot in my carefully planned morning schedules. Not wearing a coat means my shirt is no longer covered by a large oversized snowboard jacket. This means I not only have to put on a respectable shirt but I also have to, gasp! put on a bra!

I haven't worn a bra on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday since it got cold enough that I had to wear a jacket and quickly realized everything was covered! I didn't even have to change shirts! No bra! Comfy jammie shirt! Life couldn't be better.

But, alas, it was not meant to be. I enjoy going au naturale but I don't think 20 other moms and grandmas are going to want to see my sagging, breast fed two babies, lost nearly 20 lbs boobs nipping out through a way too thin, cost $3 at Kohl's, cotton tee shirt that I slept in the night before. Come to think of it, I don't know why Joe didn't say something months ago. That can't be a pretty sight.


Do you think the syrup will taste like poop?

While at the park on Saturday Caden decided he had to poop...really bad. We had two choices. We could walk home and poop at home but probably wouldn't go back to the park or we can risk going to the park bathroom a block away hoping it was unlocked. Caden isn't stupid. He knew if we went home we wouldn't go back to the park so he chose the park bathrooms. After walking to the block to get there we discovered they were locked until April 13th as a means of saving money.

So, off to the house we went. They entire way Payton kept insisting we should just let him poop in a bush or by a tree. She didn't really want to leave the park either. I reminded her pooping in public park wasn't an appropriate action and we should keep our poop in the toilet.

After we got home and he did his business, we headed out back for a little play time. It was 65 and sunny and I wasn't about to spend the day inside. We played for several hours and Payton kept bringing up pooping on a tree. I kept telling her there is no reason to poop in the tree when the bathroom is right inside the back door. But she pushed and pushed. She even pretended to pull her pants down behind the tree.

I lost it. I got up from my chair and told her to stop. I was forceful and stern and it was clear I was not happy with her behavior. She stopped and there was no more poop talk. She obviously understood she overstepped her bounds.

At least I thought she understood. Sunday morning, while I was hiding from the sunlight behind the curtains and under the covers, Joe came into our room PISSED OFF. He told me he couldn't deal with her alone and he needed me. Payton had just squatted and pooped a giant green poo on my beautiful maple tree. I was mad. I sent her to her room in order to decide her punishment. She was pretty upset when I went to deliver the law. She was hiding under her bed and wouldn't come out.

I had her get her shoes on and clean up the poop. I grounded her from friends for the week and was tempted to take the Nintendo away. Then I realized taking the Nintendo away was more of a punishment for me and thought it would be smart to let her keep it.

Who ever thought a 7 year old little miss priss would find it amusing to take a crap on a tree? Certainly not me. I guess I shouldn't put anything past my little monsters.



I looked outside this morning and saw my crocuses were blooming. I put on jeans and sweatshirt and went outside to clear the dead plant material left over from last year. The sedum had little buds poking out of the brown earth. The lillies and irises were were popping out as well. The baptisa and bachelor buttons were poking out. The hyacinth, tulips, and daffodils won't be far behind. It is spring in Wisconsin. It is time for rebirth and renewal. Lord knows our family can use it.

It has been quite a craptastic week for our family. Actually, it has been quite a craptastic month. Things got horrid on February 12th and have been getting worse ever since. Shall we review? February 12th my dad experienced the worst day of his life and I felt absolutely helpless. Since then, Joe has been in three accidents. One with Payton in the car. The worst of the accidents happened on March 12th (four weeks to day of my dad's accident) and his car was totaled. It had been out of the shop after being repaired from the last accident for 1 day.

Everything seemed to snowball from there. My aunt, who is more like a second mother, lost her dog. She was 12 and lived an amazing life but it is still sad. We found out my uncle will be undergoing procedures to become a woman. My aunt and uncle are ending their 22 year marriage. My brother's father in law died. He was on vacation is FL and had a massive heart attack. It was completely unexpected. He was in his early 60's and left behind a wife, son, and daughter. Then my brother found out some very upsetting news about his wife and is considering leaving her. He is lost and confused and doesn't know if he can handle this. He is my only brother and I ache for him. Joe's grandma was admitted to the hospital. She wasn't eating and was very weak. They thought it was time to move her to a nursing home. Simply craptastic. What else could possibly go wrong?

Thankfully, things are looking up. Joe's grandma has made a strong recovery and our fears that she may need to move to a nursing home have been wiped away. Joe found a car he likes and it looks like we will be able to pay cash for it. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do with our tax return but I don't want to go from one car payment to two. My brother is coping. We spent the day together and the kids really took his mind off of his situation. After much soul searching, I decided that yes, I will be able to accept my uncle as a women. He will still be the same person, he will just be a different gender. My only fear is the divorce will pull him away from the family and we won't see him again. I hope with all my heart that doesn't happen.

Please send your good thoughts our way. I am afraid to answer the phone for fear of what bad news might find it's way into our life.


So, Um, Huh.

The kids birthday party was this weekend. It was a great party. The chili was spicy, the artichoke dip was hot, and the cheesecake was irresistible. The kids had a wonderful time and got some great gifts. Joe especially loved several of Caden's gifts. I think his favorite is the blowdart toy my brother gave him. Of course, he really likes the cyborg as well.

Now the conversation was a little more interesting and I am still trying to digest everything that was said yesterday. There was so much I don't even know where to begin. I guess the beginning is best since starting in the middle won't make too much sense.

When I was 15 I moved in with my aunt and uncle for a summer so I could be their nanny. My cousin was 6. My aunt and uncle had just moved into a new house and wanted some help. I was always really close to my aunt and uncle. She is my godmother and I hardly remember a time when my uncle wasn't around.

About a year ago, my uncle moved to New York to work. He spent 2 weeks in New York and 2 weeks at home. It worked from them. My cousin was in college and my aunt had three dogs to keep her company. They seemed happy. It seemed like it was working for them.

I am sure you think you know where this is going but I promise you you have no idea. At the party yesterday my aunts disappeared into Caden's room and were gone for more than an hour. One of the dogs died yesterday so I thought they were talking about the dog. But then she pulled me, Joe, and some other family members aside for a private conversation. She told us her and my uncle were getting divorced...because my uncle was transitioning to a woman.

I will give you a minute to digest what I just said....ready? Good cause I am still trying to take it all in. My uncle is transitioning to a woman. He will stay in New York full time. I don't know when, or if, I will ever see him again. I am sad. I am in shock. My biggest concern his my uncle's...my aunt's????....health. He has substance abuse issues about 10 years ago and I am afraid he will fall off the wagon. His lifestyle recently has not been that of someone trying to stay sober. Of course, his substance abuse issues make more sense now.

I don't have good way to end this post. My uncle is going to be my aunt and I probably won't see him again until my cousin gets married and then maybe never again? And my poor cousin. Ugh. That is an entirely different post. How would you react if you found out, at age 20, your dad was not going to be a man anymore?


A new definition of normal

Today is the first day I have felt normal since last Wednesday. Of course, I still feel kind of crappy but I felt well enough to start picking up a bit. I wish I had stayed sick so I didn't have to see what has happened to my house over the last 7 days. It really is quite scary. There are crumbs on the table from dinners and breakfasts past. There are traces of muddy dog prints on the kitchen floor. The bathroom. Oh hell don't even get me started on the bathroom. And my poor fat kitty has been living with a dirty litter box for far too many days.

Perhaps the most disturbing bit that I found was in the bathroom. While doing my business I noticed the garbage was getting a bit full. There has been a lotta nose blowin' going on around this place. I grabbed a plastic bag and emptied the can. As the trash fell from the can into the bag I smelled something. That something was so strong it made me gag. As I pulled the can away from the bag I nearly choked. I looked down and saw every single kleenex in the garbage bag was soaked with pee. The bottom of the garbage can was covered in pee. I could see where it had dripped down the side of the can and made on ring on the tile. Ew! Ugh! Gross! I could feel it on my hands.

It had to be the boy. I just can't picture Payton squatting over the garbage to do her business. Caden, on the other hand, would definitely decide the garbage is good place relieve himself. So I asked him:

Me: Caden! Get in here!

C: Okay Mommy.

Me: Did you pee in the garbage can.

C: No, Payton did.

Me: Caden, tell Mommy the truth, did you pee in the garbage can?

C: No! Phantom did!

Me: Okay. Come on. Lets get out the soap.

C: No! I did it. I peed in the garbage.

Me: Why did you pee in the garbage?

C: I don't know. I just thought it would be fun.

Fun huh. Well I don't think he thought it was so fun while he stood over the wash tub cleaning the garbage can, taking the pee kleenex out to the garage, and then cleaning the pee ring off the floor. Hopefully I won't have anymore surprises like that.


Strike three - I'm out

Strike 1 - my fever and eventual pneumonia
Strike 2 - Caden's fever which popped up yesterday
Strike 3 - Payton's fever which popped up 20 minutes ago

Y'errrrrr outta there!!!!!

Seriously? This sucks big donkey dick. Because I have been sick since Thursday, I have not done much cleaning. And when I say not much I mean I haven't touched anything remotely related to cleaning paraphernalia since Wednesday. I did pick up a stick from the floor. That has to count for something.

Alright so no cleaning. I have not shopped for food. Of course, that might not be a bad thing because I haven't invited all of the guests yet. Have I mentioned the party is Sunday? Not shopping for food also involves not ordering a cake. Two cakes actually because god forbid the kids agree on a cake. They both love spongebob. They live for spongebob. They could have picked spongebob. But no! What did they pick? What did they insist they needed to have? High School Musical and Cars. Come on! Give mommy a break!

So let's recap: three of the four people who live in this house are sick. I have a birthday party with 30 guests scheduled for Sunday. I have no food, no cake, a filthy house, and have only invited half of the guests. I think I am screwed.

It just keeps getting better

Traditionally I do a new me post on Monday's but I really don't have too much to saying. I spent the better part of last week and the weekend having cold sweats all over the couch and living on orange juice and broth because eating took way too much energy. Of course, I did drop 7 pounds. Not the healthiest way in the world to loose weight but it certainly brought me very close to my goal. Hopefully the weight stays off when my appetite comes back.

Crap, what was the purpose of this post? Oh yeah, things just keep getting better. Of course, if you were with me you would hear the sarcasm in my voice and know that really, things just keep getting worse. How so you ask? I went to the doctor today. Normally I would have the luxury of going alone because Caden would be at preschool and Payton would be at school and I could sit happily in the waiting room.

That was not the case today. Caden spiked a fever yesterday and stayed home sick today. So he had to come. Picture this will you? A sick, tired (damn daylight savings), feverish, crabby, 4 year old sitting in a doctor's office for 2 HOURS! First he had to wait for my name to be called, then he had to wait for the doctor to come in, then he had to wait for the chest X-ray, then he had to wait for the X-ray to develop, then he had to wait for the doctor AGAIN, then he had to wait in line at the pharmacy while I dropped off my script. I have never played so much I spy at one given time. I read an entire book! And I am not talking a picture book. I am talking one of those beginner chapter books. It was 45 pages long!

All in all it was a productive trip. I have pneumonia and will begin antibiotics today. Hopefully I will be feeling half normal by Wednesday. But Caden is still sick so that sucks. I have 30 people coming over on Sunday for a party and the last thing I need is a sick kid. Send healthy thoughts our way! We have a busy week.


Screw you! **Updated

What the hell!?!?!?!?!? I know I live in Wisconsin. I know I had the chance to move out west were it is warm and sunny and people think 50 is freezing. I know I passed up that chance to stay with Joe (best choice I ever made!). I know these were all my decisions and I should not complain. But come on! It was 65 degrees on Thursday. It was 58 degrees on Friday. All of the snow melted. I could see the grass! It was brown but it was grass.

Then today mother nature, that spiteful little bitch, decided to screw with me. It snowed all night long. We didn't get a lot of snow and it didn't really stick because it was 35 but come on! How cruel is it to go from 65 to 35 in just 2 days. And it didn't just get cold. It snowed and covered any inkling of spring we saw. It is all gone now. This winter is getting way too long!

Seriously, screw you nature.

**At least someone is enjoying the snow. I just let the dog out for his last pee before bed and he spent 15 minutes rolling in the snow. Seriously bud, I'm stick (yes, still sick). Hurry it up. Find your spot and go already.


Little Miss Bella

Payton has always been a strong minded person. When she was little she gave me a very hard time. She was a Daddy's girl through and through. My dad used to joke that she was battling me for the alpha female role in the household and didn't like it that I was winning. Her daddy though, oh her daddy, she had him wrapped around her little finger. She could do no wrong and she knew it. Over the years she has accepted that she sit below me on the family hierarchy. However, in the last couple of months Joe has started to complain that she doesn't respect him. She has a tone when she talks to him and roles her eyes....a lot. I told him he was imagining things and she was just acting like a normal 7 year old girl. But, new evidence has been presented that proves Joe may be correct.

Exhibit A: Her math homework. This is how she signed her math homework. Yup, that says Queen Bella (and the "a" is shaped like a heart). Wow! I wonder what her teachers thought about that.

Exhibit B: A picture she drew on Thursday with her best friend. She split the dry erase board in half and each colored one side. Payton drew a picture of her family. From left to right she drew Joe, Caden, herself, and me. Just look at the sizes of the people on the picture. Her and I are relatively the same size. Joe is really small compared to her and I.

Really, I think Joe may be right. Payton thinks she is the queen bee and is making her poor daddy suffer.


Stupid people at stupid work

I'm pissed. I love the people I work with and their dedication to their jobs. I love that fact that people take ownership and don't try to pass their crap off to me. Okay---most people. I love that I work for a tiny company that got bought by a huge company and it stills feels like a tiny company--most of the time. What don't I love? The idiots who come to work sick. The dumb asses who feel they are too busy to stay home and decide to come into the office. Hey! Moron! Ever heard of remote desktop? Work from home if you are sick and can't take the day off! Now I sit here suffering. Shall we review my symptoms?

Fever of 103? Check
Cough? Check
Aches? Check
Crabby? Check
Loss of appetite? Check
Way too much shit in my chest? Check
My sinuses ate my head? Check

So my lovely coworkers and team members, next time you are sick stay home. We have unlimited sick days so you don't even have to use your PTO! Tell you what. I will even be your back up if it means you stay home and I stay healthy. Thanks!

Love, your lovely trainer


Do 4 year old boys get Munchausen

Remember how cute I thought it was that Caden was attentive when I hurt my knee? Remember how he rubbed my cheek and kept checking on me? He brought me his favorite toys to comfort me and offered to brush my teeth for me. My injury was the first thing he thought about when he woke up the next morning. I thought it was cute, now I am a little scared.

When I was taking him to school this morning he asked me how my knee felt. I replied that it felt great and hadn't hurt for about a week. He suddenly got very sad and quite. I tried to get out of him what was wrong but he wouldn't talk. He just looked out the window with this sad longing look in his eyes. While we were walking into school I finally got it out of him. He is sad that my knee is better because he can't take care of me anymore. Sweet right? Not so much. He then asked me to run until I hurt it again. He said he liked it when I was hurt and he wants me to get hurt again. He thought maybe I should hurt my back this time.

Not sure how to feel about that. I wonder if I need to worry about him bum rushing me with a pipe Tanya Harding style.


A death in the family

On Sunday night you died. You were warm and comforting. When I was upset and needed an escape from the world you were who I would go to. You kept me happy. You got me through those long nights alone while Joe was in boot camp. You were always there for me. Like a moth to a flame I was drawn to you. When I moved out of my parents house at the tender age of 18 I left you behind. It was the biggest mistake I made and I am sorry. But we found each other again just a few short years later and it was amazing. You wrapped me in your softness and warmth and I felt like I was at home again.

But alas, it was not meant to be. You are gone now. You threatened to destroy my life and everything Joe and I worked so hard to build. You put us and the kids are risk. You nearly set the house on fire. Your life had to end. You will be tough to replace but I am sure we will. Next winter, when those cold winds start to blow I will start thinking about you and will miss you dearly. Good bye electric blanket. You will be missed.


A New Me - Week 9

I was sooooooooooooo naughty this week! I mean totally killed anything good I could have possibly done over the last 9 weeks because holy crap I. was. so. BAD! It kind of felt good but then I felt really guilty. I'm not talking ate some ice cream after dinner bad. I am talking ate girl scout cookies for breakfast and an entire pizza for lunch. Actually, I had pizza 3 times last week. I ate chips, pasta, real bacon! On days I didn't eat girl scout cookies for breakfast I didn't eat breakfast at all. I ate turtles (mmmmmm, turtles!), pistachios, and fired foods. I even drank soda. It was so good and so bad at the same time.

As far as exercise goes, the only exercise I got was was carrying the laundry basket up and down the basement stairs. Of course, it was 7 loads of laundry so I guess that is pretty good. Oooo! And I carried some boxes of Goodwill stuff to the car. OOOOOO!!! And I pushed the vacuum around. So, um, at least I didn't sit on my ass all week. But no running, no weights, no yoga ball, and no heavy bag. I was a naughty, naughty girl.

I am definitely feeling it. I have been really tired this week. I could take a nap right now and I have only been up for an hour and a half. I used to get acid reflux a lot before I started working out. It has pretty much gone away but came back in full force by the weekend. So that is it. I got lazy, ignored my diet and exercise program and now I am paying the price.

I came up with lots of yummy and healthy meals for the next two weeks. I am totally loving the healthing eating page on foodnetwork.com. We are having a lot of salads, pork, chicken, and fish. For nights when we aren't home together or I get home late I bought a bunch of Bocca Burgers. My week off was nice but it is time to get back on track.

No measurements this week, I am scared to see what damage I did!