Take your dad's pills, pay the price

I was inspired by flaccid mice and 11 hour mounting sessions on Always Home today. So, thank you Kevin.

Several Sundays ago I was working at the pharmacy trying to piss away the afternoon waiting for 6pm to come. J and PK were coming for dinner and we were having egg rolls and I couldn't wait to go home. There was a sting of drool following me around the pharmacy all day. At 5:45 the phone rang and on the other end was the sound of a young man so terrified his voice was shaking and he was on the edge of tears. Here's how it went:

Me: Pharmacy, can I help you?

Terrified Crying Young Man: Uh, hi, I, um, I'm 24 and, I, well, I, um, I took my Dad's Viagra cause I wanted to see what would happen.

Me: Okay....

TCYM: And, I, well, um, I have had a boner for, like, 5 hours.

Me: Right. (At this point I'm thinking it is Raoul or J because seriously! What are the chances? It totally wasn't them.)

TCYM: Anyway, my buddy told me that if you have a boner for more than 4 hours that is bad, like really bad.

Me: Well, your fri....

TCYM: Wait, there is more. My buddy says they are going to cut it off. Is he right? Do they have to cut it off? What should I do?

**I wanted to say go beat the bad boy off but I don't think my manager would have approved so here is what I actually said.

Me: Well, your friend is right. An erection lasting longer than 4 hours can be dangerous. Blood pooling one area for that amount of time could form into a clot and travel into your lungs, resulting in death. You should go to the emergency room right away so they can administer treatment.

TCYM: Treatment? What kind of treatment? Like ice or something.

**Yeah, dumb ass. Ice. I am sending you to the emergency room to waste the doctors and nurses time so they can ice it.

Me: No, not ice. There is a nerve that runs along the under side of the penis, that nerve will be severed and the erection should subside.

TCYM: Severed, like cut. Dude they are going to cut it.

Me: Unfortunately the treatment will likely render you impotent. It could just be short term but it may also permanent.

TCYM (speaking to his friend): What the *string of obscenities too vial to write on my blog, yup, that bad*. I told you, you *more obscenities* I didn't want to take that shit. Now I will have fucking whiskey dick the rest of my fucking life. (friends laughing hysterically in the background.)

TCYM (speaking to me): Thank you ma'am. Can you tell me where the closest ER is?

I sent him on his way. Poor guy. 24 years old and he will need a little blue pill and 1 hour advanced notice for the rest of his life. Seriously sucks to be him...and his girlfriend.