9.17.2008

Take your dad's pills, pay the price

I was inspired by flaccid mice and 11 hour mounting sessions on Always Home today. So, thank you Kevin.

Several Sundays ago I was working at the pharmacy trying to piss away the afternoon waiting for 6pm to come. J and PK were coming for dinner and we were having egg rolls and I couldn't wait to go home. There was a sting of drool following me around the pharmacy all day. At 5:45 the phone rang and on the other end was the sound of a young man so terrified his voice was shaking and he was on the edge of tears. Here's how it went:

Me: Pharmacy, can I help you?

Terrified Crying Young Man: Uh, hi, I, um, I'm 24 and, I, well, I, um, I took my Dad's Viagra cause I wanted to see what would happen.

Me: Okay....

TCYM: And, I, well, um, I have had a boner for, like, 5 hours.

Me: Right. (At this point I'm thinking it is Raoul or J because seriously! What are the chances? It totally wasn't them.)

TCYM: Anyway, my buddy told me that if you have a boner for more than 4 hours that is bad, like really bad.

Me: Well, your fri....

TCYM: Wait, there is more. My buddy says they are going to cut it off. Is he right? Do they have to cut it off? What should I do?

**I wanted to say go beat the bad boy off but I don't think my manager would have approved so here is what I actually said.

Me: Well, your friend is right. An erection lasting longer than 4 hours can be dangerous. Blood pooling one area for that amount of time could form into a clot and travel into your lungs, resulting in death. You should go to the emergency room right away so they can administer treatment.

TCYM: Treatment? What kind of treatment? Like ice or something.

**Yeah, dumb ass. Ice. I am sending you to the emergency room to waste the doctors and nurses time so they can ice it.

Me: No, not ice. There is a nerve that runs along the under side of the penis, that nerve will be severed and the erection should subside.

TCYM: Severed, like cut. Dude they are going to cut it.

Me: Unfortunately the treatment will likely render you impotent. It could just be short term but it may also permanent.

TCYM (speaking to his friend): What the *string of obscenities too vial to write on my blog, yup, that bad*. I told you, you *more obscenities* I didn't want to take that shit. Now I will have fucking whiskey dick the rest of my fucking life. (friends laughing hysterically in the background.)

TCYM (speaking to me): Thank you ma'am. Can you tell me where the closest ER is?

I sent him on his way. Poor guy. 24 years old and he will need a little blue pill and 1 hour advanced notice for the rest of his life. Seriously sucks to be him...and his girlfriend.

7 comments:

Tiffi33 said...

rofl..omg..
that conversation is priceless...

I had NO idea they actually had to sever a nerve to get it to go back down..wow.

They really need to write that on the bottle or something...bet that would keep more stupid people from taking them..heh..

Collette said...

I think that is the most entertaining conversation I have ever had!

LiteralDan said...

Wow, that's crazy! There's no other way?? Or were you just messing with him?

You'd think one of the nurses could at least, ummm... administer the first treatment you mentioned.

Collette said...

LiteralDan, thanks for stopping by! There actually is another way and it is as simple and painless as taking a couple of Sudafed. Of course, if that doesn't work, then cutting the nerve is the only way. I just couldn't resist messing with him a little bit.

Cassandra said...

Thanks for your ICLW comment...

If they were 14 I would understand, but 24 is way too old to be that dumb. :)

Jen Hanson said...

Ha ha ha! I would have messed with him too. Happy ICL Week :)

The Hultman's said...

Wow...poor kid! Even though I would not want this situation to happen, I miss the age where I would try things, just because a friend thought it would be funny. Again, NOT this situation though :)

Here from ICLW