Taxi cab confessions - Mommy style

Me: Hey guys look! That house is for sale. Maybe we will get new neighbors that have a 5 year old and a 7 year old.

Payton: Yeah, that would be cool. When are we going to move?

Me: Not for awhile, sweety.

Payton: Well, when we do move I want to buy the peach house by school.

Me: That house isn't for sale and it isn't really the type of house mommy and daddy want to buy next.

Payton: But I want to pick out the next house.

Me: No Bella, Mommy and Daddy are paying for the house so mommy and daddy get to pick the house.

Payton: Fine, I'll pay for the house.

Me: Do you know how much houses cost? That house you like will sell for around $300,000.

Payton: I have that much money.

Me: You do! Where?

Payton: In my piggy bank.

Me: Bella, your piggy bank isn't big enough to hold that much money. You have $30, not $300,000.

Payton: Fine, I will get a job to pay for it.

Me: A job! What kind of a job are you going to get?

Payton: Um....I'll get a job dancing. You know, I'll dance.

Me (thinking): oh dear god my little girl is going to be a stripper.

Me (speaking): Honey, mommy and daddy won't be ready to move for a few years so why don't you wait a little while before picking a career.

Payton: Okay mommy. Mommy, what is the speed limit?

Me: Why don't you look for a sign and tell me when you see one.

Payton: Okay....a few minutes later...Mommy. The sign says 45.

Me: Thanks.

Payton: Why are you going 60? You are supposed to be going 45. Your going to get a ticket. Do you want to get a ticket?

Me: Payton, no body likes a back seat driver. Look out the window.

Payton (in a sing songy voice): Trees, flees, string cheese, cheese string, G string. Mommy, is there such thing as a G string?

Me (thinking): Oh my god she is going to be a stripper!

Me (speaking): I don't know sweetie. Why don't you sing mommy a song.

Payton: Oh, I just burped. It tasted like broccoli. Funny because I haven't had broccoli today. Huh.

Poor Caden has been listening to this. He has a hard time getting a word in edgewise with her around. But, he took his chance and....

Caden: Lucy was at the Planetarium today.

Payton: Really, what was she wearing?

Caden: A pretty skirt with sparkles and pink shoes. She sat next to me.

Payton: Did you kisssss herrrrr?

Caden: Stop it! She is my favorite friend!

Payton: Yoooouuuu like herrrrr.

Caden: Stop it Payton! You smell. Stop talking!

Payton: Caden wants to kiss Lucy!

Me: Bella, stop it. He doesn't like that.

Payton: Hehe, I just farted.

Me: Everybody out, we're here.

All of this in just the short drive to ballet. Thankfully they were snacking on the way home and that kept their little mouths pretty busy.