Somebody please kill me

My life has been a flowing river of puke, diarrhea, butt rashes, fevers, arguments, and poorly performing employees since last week Saturday and I am so ready for it to be over. Here is a recap:

Friday night/Saturday morning: P starts throwing up all over the place. P has started a funny thing of crying out in agony just before throwing which is lovely because first I am scared out of a sound sleep and then I get to listen to her throw up...in her bed...at 2am...and 3am...and 3:30am...and 4am....and 5am.

Saturday: Ah the fun continues only this time it is coming out the other end. By 5pm P has gone to the bathroom so many time she has a terrible rash on her butt which requires diaper rash cream to help soothe the pain. So, she would scream in agony as she was pooping and then yell she was ready for her butt cream....every 25 minutes.

Sunday: No poop! No vomit! Yeah, the worst is over!

Monday: Still no poop or vomit! We are in the clear.

Monday night: "Mommy, I pooped in my undies and I need more cream for my butt." Seriously, why must the universe screw with me?

Early Tuesday morning: The vomiting begins again. What the hell kind of sick joke is this? She is fine for two days and then gets sick again? The universe can kiss my ass.

Tuesday morning:

Me: P is sick and needs to stay home today.

Raoul: I think she is fine. She can go to school.

Me: She is throwing up!

Him: It is just drainage because of her cold.

Me: Explain the diarrhea....

Him: She is fine!

Me: Home!

Him: School!

And the morning ended with me slamming the door and leaving the house without kisses or hugs. She stayed home from school.

Early Wednesday morning: The sound of puke hitting the wood floor fills our bedroom. Only this time it is C.

Wednesday: C is so sick he can't hold down water and his fever is 103 degrees. What do you do with a kids who can't hold down meds and whose sister has a history of febrile seizures...SUPPOSITORIES!!!! Yeah C! Yeah Me! Fuck you Universe!

Wednesday night: Raoul is feeling a bit sick. Is it the lunch he left sitting in his car but ate anyway or is it the flu...only time will tell.

Thursday: I am at work. I am afraid to call Raoul to see how he is feeling and I am afraid to call daycare to see how C is feeling. I have a meeting in 10 minutes with someone who is not performing up to par and I have to discuss an improvement plan with him. He has 2 weeks to turn it around. I hate these meetings.

I wonder what else will happen this week? Maybe I will get sick just before the family gathering on Sunday. The gathering that is the last chance to see my grandparents before they leave for AZ until April. What else will happen? I just know that damn universe is waiting in the shadows...just waiting to screw with me a little more.