8.25.2008

Perspectives

It is amazing how quickly your perspective can change. For me, I realized how differently I viewed pregnancy on Sunday night. A little over a year ago my friends M and J found out they were expecting. Of course, I was thrilled and wanted to send her a link to one of those pregnancy calendars that tells you what the baby is doing at a given point. I googled pregnancy calendar and came upon a website proclaiming "It turns out you can be a little pregnant." How is that possible, I thought. So, I clicked the link and ended up here.

For some reason, I couldn't stop reading. I went back and read all of her archives and followed her along her second pregnancy. In the process, I found other blogs written by women undergoing ART or who were raising children conceived using ART or who adopted. I laughed and cried with these women and felt like a part of their lives. But, I never commented on their blogs because I felt like an intruder. Why would they want someone who barely touched her husband and got pregnant reading about their struggles. And why would they care what I had to say? So, I stalked and lurked and only commented once in a while. As time went on I lost that feeling of guilt and gained a connection. I commented more and more and found I was reading 12 to 15 blogs a day that all pertained to infertility. Somehow, somewhere, this changed my perspective.

On Sunday, A and her husband J came over for Chinese food (I make a killer egg roll!). A had mentioned she rarely takes the first two or three days of her birth control pill. I thought "Wow. That is pretty crazy. The worst pills to miss are the first two or three. And to miss all of them! She's lucky she isn't pregnant." We went about our marry way, munching egg rolls and sticky rice and crab and cream cheese wontons. We watched the Bucket List and they left. As Raoul and I were getting ready for bed I started to get nervous, remembering the conversation about the BC pills. What if she can't get pregnant? What if she doesn't even need birth control because she is infertile? She is my best friend, the closest person to a sister that I have. Would she resent me because Raoul and I never struggled? Would I be a good friend and be able to offer the support she needs? What if she can get pregnant but can't stay pregnant.

I tried telling Raoul and he brushed it off. He said they they aren't pregnant yet because she takes her pills. "But she misses pills and I know they don't use condoms" I tried to explain. He went to bed. I couldn't. I sat in the living room wondering if, when she goes off the pill in September, they will be able to get pregnant. There is no indication she will have trouble. There is no history and they are younger than we are. But I couldn't get it out of my head.

As I spent more time thinking about, I marveled at how my perception has changed. Just one year ago I would have never thought those things. Infertility was barely a part of my life. The closest I came to it was the customers who would pick up meds over the years I worked in the pharmacy. My aunt also ended up adopting because she was never able to get pregnant but I was so young I don't remember very much of it. I guess those blogs impacted me more than I thought they would. I guess that is why I decided to donate my eggs.

3 comments:

Tiffi33 said...

I read Julie's blog too..I love it..
and I am in NO way infertile..lol..at all.

I have ran across many others since who have captured my attention & i read regularly and comment on occasion..

I have thought of egg donation, but I have a family history that is too spotty in the mental health arena..
how do they screen for that anyways?

Aunt Becky said...

I know just how that shift in perspective feels.

Mel said...

Thank you for commenting on my blog! :)
I think what you are doing is absolutely wonderful. I come from family and friends who all either got pregnant on accident or the first month they started trying. It was a weird, eye opening shock to me to find myself smack in the middle of an infertiltiy diagnosis when every around me had it come so easily.
I believe that God uses challenges in our lives for a great purpose, though, and I hope he has used my testimony to relate to others who might be starting out where I was 2 years ago.
I think your new found perspective is going to touch someone so much more than you will ever know...
*hugs*