Why I need to quit my job at the pharmacy

Patient #1: Hi!

Me: Hi, are you dropping off or picking up?

P1: Dropping off. Places rx on the counter and pushes it my way

Me: reaching for the rx.....

P1: Oh, you might not want to touch that I just threw up on it.

Me: Oh, we can have this ready in 20 minutes.

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Patient #2: Hi, is there anything I can do for canker sores

Me: I'm sorry, in my experience most over the counter products are ineffective

P2: There isn't anything? (obviously annoyed and thinks I am lying)

Me: Well, you can try a numbing agent but that wears off rather quickly and you can only use 6 times a day.

P2: What about Peroxide (now she is getting really snotty)

Me: You can try it but it really doesn't do anything.

P2: So, your telling me there is nothing I can do? (Now she is down right bitchy)

Me: That is right, there is nothing you can do.

P2: I just don't think that is true. Walks away.

Me, under my breath: yeah, because my 12 years of medical experience and 20 years of dealing with cankers sores doesn't mean a damn thing

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Patient #3: Excuse me, is my prescription ready?

Me: Let me check, what is your last name?

P3: gives last name

Me: Yes, looks like the copay is $15

P3: No, that can't be, that isn't right.

Me: I'm sorry sir, that is what the insurance company is telling us to charge you.

P3: NO! That isn't right! Can't you hear? I pay $2.

Me: Sir, if you have a problem with the copay you don't have to take the medication. You can call your insurance and try to work the issue out.

P3: It isn't my issue! It is yours. You need to learn to do job. How do I know you aren't trying to pocket my money? MY COPAY IS $2.

Me: Sir, your copay is $15. If you have a problem with that, please call your insurance.

P3: I PAY $2 UNTIL THE DAY I DIE AND NEVER A PENNY MORE!!!

Me: Your copay is $15. Do you want it or not?

P3: Walks away in a huff mumbling under his breath what an untrustworthy person I am.

15 minutes later.....

P3: Looks like my benefits changed. Did you say my copay was $15? Who should I make the check out to?

No apology, nothing.

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Patient #4: Excuse me, I have a rash. What kind of salve can I use?

Me: Where is the rash?

P4: On my leg

Me: Can you pull your pant leg high enough to show it to me?

P4: No, but here. Drops pants, lifts panties, exposes butt cheek. Here it is, do you see that red splotchy area?

Me: Oh, uh, yeah. It looks like a fungus. Get some clotrimazole and use it twice a day.

P4: Thanks! pulls up pants and leaves.